I have a good friend who is convinced her unavailable partner is a twin flame. She is looking for signs everywhere and is always ‘receiving messages’ from the Universe about him. The truth is, he is nothing like a twin flame. He is an avoidant, depressed guy who uses her for her money.
And she is addicted to him. He created the perfect trauma-bond cycle, where he showers her with love and attention and then discards her again. This creates a bond so powerful that she became addicted to the chemicals it releases. Every time he comes back, she feels a surge of dopamine and serotonin — fueling her fantasy about her “twin flame runner” coming back and finally reuniting with her.
But there is something very important that we all need to know about twin flames:
A true twin flame lets you go so you can heal yourself.
They don’t come back all the time to activate your core wound again. A true twin flame realizes that you’ve lost yourself and you need time alone to heal your childhood wounds.
They will NOT come back as long as you haven’t been through that process.
Twin Flames Heal Each Other
Real twin flames understand that they are each other. Whatever they do to you, they also do to themselves. If they keep hurting you, they will keep hurting themselves. That process becomes so incredibly clear in true twin flame relationships that one of them has to pull away at some point.
Because if they don’t, both of them will never heal. It’s a deep inner knowing that the only way to reunite is to let you go on your own process.
10 Uncommon Twin Flame Signs You Need to Recognize Now
True or false twin flame? It was a question I started asking myself as soon as I discovered the term “twin flame.” And it’s one of the hardest questions to answer. After all, a false twin flame follows almost the…
When I ran away from my twin flame, I did it exactly because of those reasons. I knew he would never heal himself when I would stick around. That’s why I left him during his divorce (which he initiated because of me) so he could fight his demons alone. I left him so his kids had space to heal. More over, I left him because I loved him so much that I knew we both had to love ourselves first.
It was the most painful decision I made because all I wanted was to be with him. But my ego and pride made way for true love — and I knew I had to let him go.
An Awakened Soul Lets Go of the One Who Is Addicted
We have been conditioned that loving someone will be enough. Love them through their issues, love them through their confusion. Don’t walk away when they need you most.
But I think this is wrong. By staying by their side, you’re taking the ability away to let them trust themselves. You are sending a message that they can’t do it alone — that they need you.
I can’t highlight the importance enough of this toxic belief.
Nobody needs you. They need themselves. And you are taking that away by believing that you are meant to be together.
They are not your true twin flame if they keep using you. And you are not their true twin flame by sticking around and waiting for them.
This process is meant to heal BOTH of you. You are in a traumatic cycle, only a real twin flame would have the courage to walk away from you so that you can find yourself.
Real Twin Flame Signs vs. Addicted To Your Twin Flame
There are many signs and symptoms that somebody is your twin flame. These feel very similar to being addicted to your twin flame. But none of them are valid if these three things are not present:
1. The connection should be mutual
A true twin wants you too. He is not doubting you are the One. Although their childhood traumas may make the connection incredibly hard, the mutual wanting stays.
If a person tells you they don’t want you, believe them. Don’t blame it on avoidant attachment style, or ‘unawake’ masculine, or whatever excuse you find. A real twin flame wants you back.
2. You both enter a hard period of transformation
Twin flames meet in this lifetime to awaken each other. This can’t happen without going through a devastating period of deconditioning. A twin flame pushes you into a spiritual awakening, where the veil of our toxic society drops.
You need to work through this individually, as you need to peel layers of yourself away, like an onion, to come back to your core. Only a true twin flame will cause this transformation.
3. You let each other go to heal
The test for all twin flames is whether they can find that profound love they feel for the other in themselves. You and your twin were broken when you met, that’s why this love is so incredibly powerful.
It feels like you are home with each other because you are them. And if you truly really love them, you would want them to have access to that love always. And that can only happen when it’s inside of them.
Only then does the love become unconditional so they can share it back with you. And that’s why you need to let them go to find themselves. And you need to find yourself too.
The Problem Of Being Addicted to Your Twin Flame
In the example above of my friend, her partner is not a twin flame because he doesn’t have the strength to let her go. And she doesn’t have the strength to push him away. Every time he faces loneliness or hardship, he comes back to her.
She, being addicted to him, welcomes him with open arms — taking away his ability to help himself and confirming her ego’s voice that he keeps coming back to her.
If they truly love each other, they would see the toxic cycle they are in and let each other go. Real love doesn’t involve our egos wanting to confirm somebody keeps choosing us. True love knows they need to choose themselves.
She doesn’t love him — she loves the dopamine he brings to her when he comes back.
He doesn’t love her — he loves the safe haven she provides when he comes back.
Reuniting With Your Twin
Real twin flames love each other beyond worldly desires. Real twin flames know that sometimes all they needed to do for each other was to kick off that inner transformation.
And lucky twin flames go at the same pace through that transformation and they have a chance to reunite again in this lifetime. But they first need to surrender to their own divine love and divine timing.
An addiction makes you desire what you’ve lost because you haven’t found it inside of you yet. That is not a twin flame — that is you trying to find yourself. Face your addiction and you will see miracles happen.
RELATED: The Twin Flame Runner Perspective – My Confessions As a Runner
FAQ
About Being Addicted To Your Twin Flame
What is twin flame addiction?
Twin flame addiction occurs when someone becomes emotionally and chemically dependent on a person they believe to be their twin flame. This often involves a toxic cycle of highs and lows, similar to a trauma bond, where one partner repeatedly pulls away and returns, reinforcing the addiction.
What is the difference between a twin flame and a trauma bond?
A twin flame connection encourages self-growth and healing, even if separation is necessary. A trauma bond, on the other hand, keeps you trapped in a cycle of emotional highs and lows, making it difficult to break free.
What happens if I am addicted to my twin flame?
You may waste years in an unhealthy cycle, believing that suffering is necessary for love. The best way to know if someone is your twin flame is to observe whether they respect your growth, encourage healing, and do their own inner work.
Can twin flames have a happy ending?
Yes, but only if both individuals go through their healing journey separately first. A twin flame connection is about self-discovery and transformation. If both partners evolve and align, reunion can happen—but not if you are addicted to your twin flame.
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