It’s a question often asked in the twin flame world: Is my partner a twin flame or a narcissist? Let me try to explain it through my own story.
In my life, I’ve had four profound connections with men. I had multiple other relationships and adventures, but these particular four men were something different. Our connection felt like it was destined. It went deeper than with ‘regular’ relationships.
Now I know that all of these men were narcissists, but only one of them was a real twin flame. The other was a karmic twin flame.
I do believe you have only one twin soul that perfectly mirrors you, but this soul can manifest itself in different bodies and lives. And they come at exactly the right moment to teach you all that you need to know. Some people would call these people ‘false twin flames’ and they would show up until you meet the real one.
I think you keep meeting your twin soul during your lifetime until you are both ready for a long-term connection. Which also means you have to keep letting each other go and integrate your lessons all the time.
Twin Flame Stages
Time is not linear, so you might meet your twin flame during different stages of their (and your) lives. You are part of the same archetype, and it’s your duty to face each of your shadows because they are exactly the same. Maybe the person who you met at a certain stage of the twin flame journey wasn’t ready to learn this, and you will have to let them go. Your twin soul will come back to you in a more healed version, which could be a totally different person.
You will attract what you need in life, and so will your twin.
The cycle continues endlessly until both of you are ready for an Earthly union. It’s not about waiting for them to come back; you will need to do the same inner work that they have to do. If one of the two doesn’t do it, be sure to find another twin flame (which ultimately has the same soul) that triggers you even more into healing your own wounds.
Are you dealing with a twin flame or a narcissist?
Your twin flame is you and mirrors your childhood trauma. A narcissist keeps you in a toxic bond and uses you to hide their own issues. In my case, my childhood trauma came from my dad being a narcissist, so I was subconsciously looking for somebody similar to him. I was destined to meet a narcissistic twin flame because that was the issue I had to heal within myself.
If your issue is alcoholism, for example, your twin flame will most likely be an alcoholic or somebody who is dealing with some sort of addiction. This shared trauma creates a connection that is different from a regular relationship.
The bond you create between the two of you is meant to heal beide souls. This is why people call it twin flame: you share the same soul and therefore the same core traumas. It’s this trauma bonding that makes the connection feel so deep.
By meeting my own twin flame, I realized I also had a lot of narcissistic tendencies myself. My narcissistic twin flame perfectly mirrored them.
The Universe doesn’t give you a twin flame when everything is perfect already.
Twin flame or Narcissist?
A lot of twin flames have narcissistic traits, but not every narcissist is your twin flame. The connection might still be super profound, though, when you meet a regular narcissist. This is because a narcissist keeps you in a toxic bond that activates your codependency. A twin flame also activates this, but the difference is that this connection is divine and meant to awaken you.
Having had both connections, I can now tell the difference between a regular narcissist and a twin flame (which, in my case, had to be a narcissist as well). I guess the simplest way to tell is that a twin flame gets you into a spiritual awakening. A narcissist will just leave you drained from life and on the verge of depression.
A twin flame loves you back; a narcissist just uses you to hide their own traumas. A true twin soul is also on a spiritual journey and realizes there is more to life than what we see on the surface. On the other hand, a narcissist just wants to control you and will dump you if you are not an ego supply to them anymore.
The twin flame makes you grow and lets you take a look inside of you; the narcissist takes away all of your self-esteem and leaves you empty.
Divine sexual connection
Sex with a twin flame will feel like you are part of something bigger, something divine. All you want is to feel this person deep inside of you. Tantric sex happens between twin flames. A narcissistic relationship is highly sexual as well, but it will be more based on lust. You will feel constantly aroused around this person because subconsciously, you try to please them due to your own lack of self-love.
The people around your relationship will also act differently between a twin flame and a narcissist.
Your friends will feel the divine connection between twins and an energy shift when two twins are together. People might mention that you are made for each other, and you inspire them despite being so different. It’s not uncommon for a twin flame to be completely opposite of you.
Other People recognize your bond
In a narcissistic relationship, people will start to warn you about it, and will try to make you see that things are not healthy. With a twin flame, that might also happen, though, because a lot of people simply don’t understand the connection between two twins.
During a narcissistic relationship, you’ll see the toxicity at some point. But with a twin flame, you can’t run away from the connection, even though it might also be toxic at that time. A narcissist will act manipulative, controlling, and might gaslight you. And even though a narcissistic twin does this to other people, too, with you, they act differently. You just feel that this connection is meant to wake you up and face yourself.
A twin flame is a mirror and you can’t look away from it.
My own twin flames and narcissists
Comparing my deep relationships with others made me realize that I had met my karmic twin soul at a young age already. I wasn’t aware of spiritual awakening and childhood traumas then, but I always knew this connection was something special. He was very spiritual and tried to get me into it too (albeit through his narcissism).
I wasn’t ready at that time, and that’s why we had to break up. It took me seven years to completely get over the feeling he activated in me, and I could never truly forget him.
The two relationships afterward that activated a similar feeling were narcissistic (but not twin flames). They were not divine, and when we broke up, I was left mostly angry and frustrated that I had put so much time and effort into them.
My final relationship (and the one I write about here on this website) was a true twin flame. I felt the same deep connection I had with the first one, and sometimes it surprised me how similar they were.
This time, though, it did make me look inside of me, and it did activate a spiritual awakening. I could never have learned the lessons I learned without him acting as a mirror.
It was meant to happen.
Can a narcissist heal?
But the trick with twin flames is that both souls need to heal their traumas before a reunion can happen. And if your twin flame is truly a narcissist, that is unlikely to happen. It is possible, though, and I think a twin flame connection can definitely facilitate it.
But if your twin flame doesn’t heal, you will have to let go. Your twin soul will probably come back via another person that did learn those lessons and is ready for the next step. And you will feel the same profound connection because you recognize them. Maybe it won’t last again either, but you will keep growing and evolving your soul.
Waarom de Tweelingvlam Runner de Verbinding eigenlijk redt
Veel mensen in tweelingvlam relaties ervaren op een bepaald moment de Runner/Chaser dynamiek. Dit gebeurt wanneer de intensiteit van de verbinding één van de partners overweldigt, waardoor ze vluchten. De tweelingvlam loper wordt vaak verkeerd begrepen, waardoor de jager verward en...
In every new sacred union relationship, you trust the Universe more and more, and you know everything will happen at a divine timing. And at some point, that includes a soulmate reunion on this Earth that lasts forever.
Because your souls are simply meant for each other, and each one has their own perfect timing.
Heb je meer hulp nodig op je reis?
Ik heb onlangs deze cursus gedaan over jezelf echt leren kennen en opnieuw beginnen. Ik raad het ten zeerste aan als je externe hulpmiddelen nodig hebt om vooruit te komen..
Of wil je iets toegankelijkers? Probeer deze Dagboek app met relatiegidsen van mij en andere experts.
Veelgestelde vragen
What is the difference between a twin flame and a narcissist?
A tweelingvlam mirrors your soul and activates your spiritual growth, even if the connection is painful. A narcissist, on the other hand, creates a toxic bond to avoid facing their own wounds. The key difference is that a twin flame connection ultimately awakens you, while a narcissist drains your energy and self-worth.
Can my twin flame also be a narcissist?
Yes, your twin flame can exhibit narcissistic traits, especially if they haven’t healed their inner wounds yet. Many twin flame connections involve narcissism in the early stages, because both people are reflecting unhealed childhood trauma. Healing must happen on both sides before a true reunion can take place.
Why do twin flames often have narcissistic traits?
We live in a society that conditions people to value ego, success, and independence over emotional depth and vulnerability. As a result, many people—including twin flames—develop narcissistic tendencies. These traits are often part of what the twin flame connection is meant to heal.
Is it possible to have more than one twin flame?
You only have one twin soul, but it can manifest in different people at different times. Some call these false twin flames, but all are part of the same soul’s evolution. You may encounter multiple partners who feel like your twin, each helping you heal before you’re ready for a lasting reunion.
Why is the connection with a twin flame so intense?
Twin flames share the same soul essence and core wounds. This creates an intense, magnetic, and often painful bond that feels deeper than any typical relationship. The purpose is to mirror each other’s shadows for healing and spiritual evolution—not to provide comfort or stability right away.
Can a narcissist heal through a twin flame connection?
Yes, but healing isn’t guaranteed. A narcissistic twin flame must be willing to face their trauma and do the inner work. If they refuse, the relationship may end, and your soul might meet another version of your twin flame who is more evolved.
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