Twin Flame or Limerence? Recognize The Different signs

I had never heard about limerence until not long ago. It seems to be a term coming up more and more often around twin flame connections, so I got intrigued.

Even though my twin flame relationship is now already six years ago, I keep wondering what exactly it was. Why did I get so attached so quickly? Why did this person become the center of my entire existence in such a short time?

Obsessed with twin flames

I only found out about the ‘twin flame’ term after our relationship ended, and I was looking for answers. I suddenly felt so seen when I read about it for the first time. This was exactly what I had been experiencing!

I became obsessed with twin flames (like many of us) and watched 1000s of YouTube videos and read countless blogs about this spiritual connection.

Everything made sense: the crazy attraction, the push-pull, the spiritual activation, the intense desire, and the separation. At least I was not the only one going through all of this.

I started writing about my experience on Medium and quickly gained an audience. And now, six years later, my twin flame is still the most important person in my life.

Not because I am still obsessed with him, but because he caused me to transform myself profoundly.

Moving on

I am still active in the twin flame community, on my website and on Threads, because I feel there is so much misinformation about this connection. You get shamed when you want to move on from your twin flame and are being told, “Then they were not real”.

I think twin flames are very real, just not in the way the spiritual community perceives them to be. They come into your life to awaken you, often not to stay forever. There is nothing wrong with letting go of your twin flame, even though the connection felt divine.

Many twin flame bonds are toxic, avoidant, or narcissistic connections that actually do include love as well. That is why it’s so hard to believe they were only that — you were not wrong for feeling the cosmic connection, it was truly there.

But that doesn’t mean you have to stay with a person who is unhealthy for you.

Twin flames and limerence

When I recently read about limerence, more pieces of the puzzle started to come together. It was very similar to a twin flame experience.

At this moment in our planetary evolution, many humans are awakening through the nervous system first, not through consciousness. Limerence does exactly that: it hijacks your nervous system so you can start your awakening journey.

Limerence is a dopamine-driven attachment state marked by fantasy, idealization, and emotional dependency. It is unresolved inner fragmentation looking for wholeness in another person.

Sounds like a twin flame? Maybe that’s because they are very similar.

Core traits of limerence

Limerence has some core traits:

• Intrusive thoughts about the other person (you cannot stop thinking about them)
• You idealize them, even though there is not really a true connection
• Emotional highs and lows based on their attention to you
• You can’t ground in the present moment
• The bond exists more in imagination than in reality (it is not mutual for them)

In short: limerence is the unconscious activation of your inner traumas. It feeds on uncertainty and distance. It is basically a fantasy in your head about someone who is not that into you.

This is not an ‘asleep’ twin flame, it’s your trauma speaking and looking for connection.

Core traits of a twin flame

A twin flame is not a fantasy bond but a divine mirror. The connection reveals truth for both souls, which is often very uncomfortable.

• Twin flames recognize each other (not only the feminine)
• The intensity leads to self-awareness, not self-abandonment
• Emotional triggers that ask you to learn about yourself
• Growth continues even in separation
• The bond is real and mutual, not an imagination of one partner

Twin flames activate clarity and cause you to work on yourself. With a true twin flame, you will naturally feel the pull to go inwards at some point to work on yourself.

Twin flame or limerence?

There are some important differences between a real twin flame and limerence. A twin flame is a conscious activation, and limerence is a nervous system activation. With a twin flame, you will want to learn about yourself, but with limerence, you only want to focus on getting more of them.

With a twin flame, you are focused on who the person actually is, not a fantasy version of them in your head. And that realization often leads to separation because you know both of you have work to do.

A twin flame will strengthen your identity and boundaries, even if that means going on without them. With limerence, your self-esteem gets eroded, and you lose yourself more and more.

And finally, with a twin flame, the attachment loosens once you become aware. With limerence, the attachment intensifies, especially with distance. You feel like you cannot live without them, and this only gets stronger.

The danger of labels

The spiritual community always wants to put labels on everything and often dismisses things that are very intense for some people, whether twin flame or not.

I was also searching endlessly to see if mine was false, catalyst, karmic, or whatnot. But now I believe the labels don’t really matter. It matters what you learned from it.

If somebody makes you feel undervalued, like you constantly have to fight for them or prove your worth to them, you shouldn’t wait for them to change. Twin flame or not.

Somebody who really loves you will choose you. Period. Your nervous system will feel calm around them, and they are a safe haven, not a source of anxiety.

Why spiritual people are prone to limerence

Connections like these (limerence, twin flame, or karmic, etc.) probably catapulted you into the spiritual community. That is because there is no other logical explanation for a bond this deep.

You will feel such a divine pull to somebody that you will go looking for answers, especially when things don’t work out. Nothing in the world makes sense anymore. And in the spiritual community, you will finally feel understood.

But there is also a lot of toxicity in spiritual people. They often romanticize the bond, thinking they are the ‘Chosen Ones’ to have found their twin flames.

They tell others that their twin flame is an unawakened divine masculine, and you just have to wait for them to wake up. But this is totally the ego speaking: it puts obsession into cosmic language.

What is the purpose of divine connections?

It’s hard to understand why the Universe put you in so much hardship with one person. But whatever it was, it wasn’t a mistake. This person came to awaken you, and even limerence has that purpose.

It will make you realize you need to rewire your nervous system, because living like that is simply not sustainable. Your body will beg you for change at some point. And when you listen and heal, you will never allow that in your life again.

Please, please stop believing that twin flames are always meant to reunite. It will keep you stuck in a loop and miss the purpose of this whole experience.

If you are meant to reunite, you will. But don’t wait for it. You will never have that reunion when you don’t work on yourself first.

Are twin flames real?

Yes, they are very real. My twin flame was so much more than just a narcissistic bond. I doubted it for a long time because of everything that I read online, but don’t let others dismiss the importance of your experience.

My twin flame and I woke each other up. We have divine love for each other and still choose not to continue. My twin flame came back a few times and is also aware of the twin flame concept. He agrees he is my twin flame, and that I am his.

But we also evolved enough to realize we are not meant for each other anymore.

Twin flames and narcissism

Two more terms that also go hand in hand in divine relationships: Is my twin flame narcissistic? And can the twin flame bond heal them?

I want to believe my twin flame healed his narcissism after our connection, but I am not sure. But what I am sure about is that I don’t want somebody like my father (who never healed and also has his own twin flame) in my life as a partner.

I think that is exactly the purpose of any divine connection: to break generational trauma and choose what’s best for yourself.

If you don’t, the cycle will just repeat itself over and over again.

How to let go of the attachments

You were given this golden opportunity to break free from your trauma, see it for what it is, and stop romanticizing it. It really does not matter what label you put on it; it’s who you become after it.

If you feel stuck and need help on your journey, I wrote a shadow work journal for twin flames who are ready to move on. This journal will make you understand your own patterns and give you insights on how to break free.

Because after all, the Universe only wants to help you with connections like these, not break you.