The Twin Flame Runner Perspective – My Confessions As a Runner

It took me a while to realize that I was the runner in my twin flame relationship. The main reason I left was that I discovered my twin flame was narcissistic. That revelation broke my faith in the twin flame concept, leading me on a personal journey to accept that we were in a trauma bond relationship rather than a divine connection. Here is my twin flame runner perspective.

Twin Flame Runner Perspective vs. Chaser Perspective

At first, I believed my partner was the runner. He had broken up with me numerous times, sometimes even ghosting me. Each separation felt like the most painful experience of my life. The first time my twin flame told me we had to separate, I thought nothing could hurt more.

So I became the chaser. Told him I loved him no matter what. That we could conquer everything together. That I would be there for him always. Each time, he returned, and we’d relive the honeymoon phase—until the cycle repeated.

The Runner/Chaser Stage

This exhausting push-pull dynamic began about six months into our relationship and lasted for another three months until I physically couldn’t handle it anymore. I was drained from being discarded over and over, always for reasons that didn’t make sense.

Many twin flames eventually question if the runner is actually a narcissistic or false twin flame. Others believe the runner is simply not awakened to divine love. The reality is that being in a narcissistic relationship mimics the emotional turmoil of a twin flame separation.

You feel like your heart has been ripped out, convinced that only your twin flame can heal you. You fall into depression, desperation, and longing for those blissful moments. These are the same emotions victims of trauma bonding experience. The pain is so overwhelming because, during the relationship, you lose your sense of self—or maybe you never had a strong one to begin with.

The Purpose of Twin Flame Separation

When I started researching, I kept seeing the signs my twin flame was actually a narcissist, desperately searching for an explanation for my pain. If you Google ‘narcissism and twin flames’, you’ll see how common this question is.

I now believe twin flames are always in some form of trauma bond. It’s not always a narcissist/empath dynamic—it could also be shared addictions or mental health struggles. What defines a twin flame connection is that both twins mirror each other’s wounds. It’s different from a toxic relationship because, in a twin flame connection, you also contribute to the toxicity.

If you don’t recognize yourself in your twin flame (mirroring), you may actually be in an abusive relationship and need to leave for your own well-being.

What Is The Twin Flame Runner Perspective During Separation?

The psychological and scientific view of twin flames often categorizes them as codependent trauma bonds. While that’s partially true, it leaves out the spiritual aspect.

As the twin flame runner, I quickly adopted this mindset. There was no way I would rekindle our relationship after realizing the toxic nature of it. This is the stage where the chaser often assumes the runner has simply lost interest.

But that isn’t true. I still thought about him every day. I still loved him—from a distance. I still hoped he found happiness. I still couldn’t forget our connection. And I still couldn’t fully move on.

Recognizing Divine Love

During my running phase, I was afraid of him. I didn’t want him to chase me. I had convinced myself he was narcissistic, and I hoped he wouldn’t reach out—because if he did, it would confirm my fears. After all, narcissists (almost) always reach out again at some point.

I felt in my soul that we shouldn’t be together. Not for my sake, not for his, and especially not for his children. We both needed to heal separately. Him reaching out would have pushed me further away—not just because of my avoidant attachment style, but because the Universe made it clear that we needed space to break our toxic patterns.

From Avoidant to Secure Attachment

I finally realized I had an avoidant attachment style—a pattern I had since childhood due to growing up in a narcissistic family. I never learned to feel safe in relationships.

My twin flame had a disorganized attachment style (as many narcissists do). This was why our bond was so intense. Twin flames mirror each other, and this was no different. Unless we healed our attachment wounds, we would be trapped in the runner/chaser dynamic forever.

I had to face my childhood trauma before I could enter a healthy relationship. That’s why I kept running. I also didn’t know if he was truly healing, and I refused to return to a toxic cycle.

Is Twin Flame Reunion Possible?

The twin flame community often speaks about reunion, but the truth is that many twin flames never reunite. Why? Because healing is required on both sides, and often, one person doesn’t heal.

As the runner, how do I feel about reuniting now that I’ve changed my attachment style?

Honestly, I don’t know.

I still fear that he hasn’t done the inner work. But I also acknowledge that our connection triggered our spiritual awakenings. If that’s true for him, then maybe he is healing too.

Trusting in Divine Timing

The only force that can bring us back together now is divine timing. This is a key part of the twin flame separation phase. Since I don’t know if he has healed, I place my trust in the Universe. If we are meant to reunite, I believe I will be divinely protected.

And that, I think, is what separates a trauma bond from a true twin flame relationship. True twin flames have a divine mission on Earth. If that mission is part of your destiny, the Universe will guide you back together eventually—but not before you are both ready.

Advice for the Twin Flame Chaser

I know how painful it is to be the chaser—I was one, too. But from my twin flame runner perspective now, my advice is simple: give it space and time.

The runner isn’t running to hurt you. They are running because they need to heal. Whether they are protecting themselves or you from the relationship, you cannot control this process. The only thing you can do is heal yourself.

And as long as you avoid your own inner work, reunion is impossible. If I discovered right now again that my twin flame was still narcissistic, I would keep running—because I love myself enough now to walk away from a toxic dynamic.

So, please—focus on your healing. Nurture your inner child. Practice genuine self-love. Trust that the Universe will guide your twin flame back to you if it is meant to be. But until then, your priority is you.

---

RELATED: Why the Twin Flame Runner Is Actually Saving the Connection