The 7 Painful Stages of a Narcissistic Twin Flame Relationship

It took me a long time to write this because, for a while, I wasn’t sure I had the answer. Had I met my true twin, or was I dealing with a narcissistic twin flame? It took me five years to see the truth, but now I’m ready to share it.

When you meet a twin flame—real, false, or narcissistic—your life shifts forever. This person pulls you in like gravity, and nothing is ever the same. It won’t be easy, but it’s inevitable. Whether real or not, they come into your life for a reason.

My Narcissistic Twin Flame

Five years ago, I met someone who felt like my soulmate. I didn’t even know the term ‘twin flame,’ but I realized that what we had was deeper than anything I had experienced before. It was ironic, considering we were total opposites. We got totally lost in each other, trapped in a cycle of obsession.

By chance, I started reading about twin flames. The descriptions matched my experience perfectly. The intensity, the push and pull—it was all there. Knowing this brought me comfort. It meant the chaos was normal.

But as time passed, our relationship grew toxic. Something wasn’t right. I ignored the warning signs, convinced that this was just another twin flame stage we had to endure. After all, there was only one of him. And he was mine.

The Wake-Up Call

My body knew the truth before my mind did. My hair thinned, my weight dropped, laughter faded. My heart pounded with anxiety each morning. Friends warned me. They saw what I refused to. Still, I stayed, clinging to the belief that we were meant to be.

Then I stumbled upon the term ‘false twin flame.’ These connections come before the real thing—to force you to heal past wounds. But how could I tell if he was false? The signs mirrored those of a real twin flame so closely.

Now, five years after we met and four years after we split, I know: he was a narcissistic twin flame. He was meant to teach me something. And that lesson was self-love.

Trauma-Bonding

I see twin flames differently now. To me, false twin flames are the spiritual term for a narcissistic bond. A false twin flame only becomes real if both people heal. Otherwise, it’s just a cycle of trauma. If one refuses to face their demons—if they remain a narcissist—then they were never truly your twin flame to begin with.

The Seven Stages of a Narcissistic Twin Flame

Narcissistic twins follow a slightly different pattern than real ones. Here’s how it unfolds:

1. The Attachment

From the moment you meet, you feel an intense and magnetic pull toward this person. The connection is overwhelming, almost too good to be true. They shower you with affection, love-bomb you with compliments, grand gestures, and promises of a perfect future. You feel like the luckiest person alive. But deep down, something feels off—things are moving too fast. Still, you ignore it because this connection feels fated, unlike anything you’ve known before.

2. The Turbulence

Cracks begin to show. Their behavior shifts from loving to controlling. They may manipulate you subtly, criticize small things about you, or even start testing your boundaries. You notice moments of inconsistency—one day, they adore you; the next, they are cold and distant. Maybe they flirt with others, break promises, or make you feel guilty for questioning them. Yet, you stay, believing this is just another phase of the twin flame journey.

3. The Separation

The relationship starts to drain you, but you cling to the idea of returning to the passion of the beginning. You compromise, change yourself, and suppress your needs, all in hopes of keeping them close. Then, without warning, they leave. Or maybe you’re the one who walks away, realizing you’ve lost yourself. Either way, the pain is unbearable. You feel like a part of you is missing, and you struggle to understand why the connection had to end.

4. The Trauma

This is the darkest phase. You spiral into self-doubt, obsessing over what went wrong. You analyze every conversation, every fight, every red flag you ignored. Why weren’t you enough? Why did they leave? What could you have done differently? This phase forces you to confront your deepest wounds—your childhood trauma, your fears of abandonment, your patterns of self-sacrifice. It is painful but necessary. This is where true healing begins if you allow it.

During the Trauma phase, you should do inner child work and get to the core of your shadows.

5. The Healing

You begin to put the pieces back together. You start to see the relationship for what it was—intense, but unhealthy. You realize that love should not feel like constant anxiety. You rediscover yourself outside of the relationship and start healing the wounds that made you susceptible to such a connection in the first place. You may even start to believe you’re ready to reunite with your narcissistic twin flame, thinking that now, after all the lessons, things will be different. But have they done the work too?

6. The Confusion

You feel stronger, more whole. You assume your twin flame will sense this shift and return to you. Maybe you reach out, or maybe they suddenly pop back into your life. If they do, they promise they’ve changed. But have they really? You may fall back into old patterns, hoping for a different outcome, only to find yourself repeating the same cycles.

If they don’t return, you might hold onto the idea of a ‘spiritual connection’—believing you’re still together on a higher plane, waiting for divine timing. Either way, you’re stuck between moving forward and holding on.

7. The Release

This is the final stage. You finally see them for who they really are, not the idealized version you created. You accept that they may never change, and you choose yourself. This is where you break free. You realize the most important lesson they taught you: self-love. You let go, not with bitterness, but with gratitude. Because without them, you wouldn’t have healed. And once you truly release them, you make space for the love you actually deserve.

The Truth About Twin Flames

Was the connection real? Yes. Did they love you? Maybe. But a true twin flame connection only happens when both people grow. If they refuse, they were never meant to stay. You have seen the true (beautiful) soul of this person, and all you want is the best for them. But it can only be your real twin flame if the other person also heals. And they might never do that.

You may meet more false or narcissistic twin flames along your journey. Each one will uncover another layer of your wounds. Until one day, you choose differently. You choose someone safe, kind, and consistent. Someone who loves you without conditions, who stays when things get hard. Someone who has done the work, just like you have.

You won’t meet them until you have worked through your shadows and triggers. And that healing wouldn’t have been possible without your narcissistic twin flame.

So, embrace the tough lessons. And when it’s time, let go. Something better is waiting.